


All Things Fanciful and Free

by Aviantei



Category: Shaman King (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Crack Fic, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Manta has a conniption, Omake for Aviantei, One Shot, Princess Hao, Twelve Shots of Summer, what fourth wall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-08 15:28:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20837807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aviantei/pseuds/Aviantei
Summary: [Crack Fic] "Once upon a time..." ...and that's about where all the sense comes to an end. In this tale, whether or not the princess gets rescued seems to be the last priority on anyone's minds, even hi-hers. [Aviantei & Xiān Kè Lái Omake] [Twelve Shots of Summer]





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Aviantei](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19474345) by [Aviantei](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aviantei/pseuds/Aviantei). 

> This crack fic was originally posted on fanfiction.net on August 6, 2014 and completed on March 10, 2018. The first part was written for the Twelve Shots of Summer week nine prompt "Fairy tale with a twist." What more plays on that than Princess Hao? I decided to make it a multi-chapter endeavor, so there are actually three of these.
> 
> OCs from my far more serious fic "Aviantei" appear.
> 
> It's a crack fic I don't know what you're expecting.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

**All Things Fanciful and Free**

By: Aviantei

A _Shaman King_ One Shot(?)

[Twelve Shots of Summer 9/12]

* * *

Oyamada Manta sat on an armchair far too big for his small frame, feet not even reaching the edge of the cushion. It was a wonder he had even made it onto the chair in the first place. Ignoring the author’s attempts to get used to intentionally breaking the fourth wall outside of _Exception_, he turned to the camera.

“Hello, Readers,” he said, a smile on his face. In one hand he held a small pipe, which when blown on produced bubbles. Sitting on his lap was his oversized Mantanian Dictionary, a piece of torn notebook paper with the words _Fairy Tale Compendium_ scribbled on it in nearly illegible handwriting (which was definitely Horohoro’s doing) taped to the cover. “Today, the author is going to try something completely different, so please try and cut her some slack.”

For no reason other than to give the aforementioned pipe some use, Manta blew a few bubbles before opening up his Diction—Fairy Tale Compendium.

“That being said, let’s get started, okay?”

* * *

“Once upon a time…” Manta’s voice echoed as the screen faded out, replaced with the image of a typical medieval castle against a blue sky. There was a pause as the boy tried to get over the absolute cliché-ness of the narration he was being forced—um, asked politely to give. “…there was a beautiful princess, who was of course kidnapped at a young age and locked away in some foreboding tower. Conveniently, no one could save the princess until she was a teenager, otherwise any potential love interest between her and her savior would just be plain creepy.”

The camera panned into one of the castle tower’s windows. Standing on the other side of the room wither back turned was the princess, dressed in pink and a tiara, her long, black hair falling over her shoulders.

“Her name was Princess Hao.”

* * *

There was the sound of a record scratching, and whatever fairy-tale reminiscent track the reader had playing in their mind shattered to pieces. The screen shifted back to Manta, who had all but tossed his Diction—Fairy—fuck it, his _book_ onto the floor.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me!” he protested. “Is this the angle we’re going for?!”

“Come on, Manta, relax a little,” Yoh commented from the side of the set. Despite his usual lazy demeanor, he actually sounded excited, and was standing at the ready in a knight’s armor, his headphones somehow still hanging around his neck. “We already agreed to the script beforehand, right? So keep going or the director’s gonna get mad.”

At this point, Manta stood up in his chair. “What script?” he asked, still sounding distraught. “There’s no script for this at all. The author’s just winging this as she goes.”

“Well, I do believe that she does have an ending in mind,” Amidamaru added, floating farther back with the rest of the guardian ghosts. “Since I don’t have a part in this other than this intervention, I think we should continue. I’m rather curious to see how this… ‘crack fic’ is supposed to pan out.”

“_Furthermore_,” Manta pressed on, “there _is_ no director!” he pointed at the ‘camera,’ which was really just a cover up referral to the fourth wall. While there was an empty director’s chair, no one was sitting in it.

“Oh! I volunteer!” Joco shouted, jumping up from behind Yoh. “This is supposed to be a comedy, right? That’s my _jam_!”

There was the sound of something colliding with metal, and Joco’s knight helmet flew across the room and into the castle set. “Shut up, you morons,” Ren hissed, sounding more pissed off than usual—or maybe it just was his normal level of pissed off. “You’re just making this unnecessary segway last _far_ longer than it needs to.”

“Yeah, come on, Manta,” Yoh said. “Get back to the stor—”

* * *

“Anyway,” Hao interrupted, the usual calm in his voice, despite the fact that he was once a main antagonist and now he was cross-dressing all for the sake of a silly prompt. “The princess was, naturally, beautiful, and she wasted away her days, lonely in the tower, waiting for her prince to come and rescue her, because it wasn’t like she could _possibly_ have any sorts of powers that would allow her to escape.”

Like the fact that Hao was a shaman. And could summon a giant Spirit of Fire at will to carry him—her out of the place.

“Did he just steal the narration from me?!” Manta shouted from the living room like set.

“Huh,” Yoh said, taking things as easy as usual. “Can he do that?”

Hao giggled—not chuckled, _giggled_—hiding his mouth between his gloved hand. “Of course I can, silly. I’m God.”

“I’m more concerned that he’s just wearing that with no problems,” Horohoro grumbled. “What’s even wrong with the author, thinking up junk like that?”

“Technically this is Manta’s fault, since he had that dream,” Hao commented. The boy in question automatically flushed red. He had tried so hard to forget that had ever happened! “So, it’s technically canon. Now, if you’re all done…

“There wouldn’t be much of story if these fools didn’t _get on with it_, so of course a rescue team was finally pulled together to save the princess!”

Amidst rocks, which were probably supposed to represent the area outside the castle, Yoh, Horohoro, Ren, Joco, and Lyserg were revealed, all clad in knight uniforms.

“Um, is it just me, or does this feel wrong?” Horohoro asked, looking at his armor.

Ren scoffed, the sound echoing in his helmet, which had been specially designed to accommodate his tongari. “That’s because the author’s an idiot that can’t even remember how the official omake with this scenario goes and decided to make us all knights instead of _researching_ to remember the classes we were given,” he insulted in one breath.

“Well, she doesn’t have regular access to internet,” Lyserg said, providing the usual voice of reason. “Although, things had been going so well… Why couldn’t she just leave me out of this whole mess…?”

“Don’t be such a spoil sport!” Joco exclaimed, his helmet still missing. “If we don’t get a move on, we’ll be here all _knight_!”

As usually happened after one of Joco’s puns, the group exploded into squabbling. Yoh just laughed.

* * *

At the top of his tower set, Hao leaned over the window and sighed. Really, those five couldn’t get _anything_ done. It was a wonder they had managed to successfully be the protagonists of the main series for so long and actually make it to the final battle.

“This is getting boring,” the princess/former antagonist/God figure/pretty much the narrator now since Manta was dying in embarrassment said with a sigh. “Mindless banter and fourth-wall breaking can only go so far in a one shot like this. We need a twist to keep things going or otherwise even the people in the challenge group are going to give up on this.” Another sigh.

“Well, I guess since no one else seems to care where this is really going, a little bit of trouble can’t hurt at all.”

Hao smirked.

* * *

Without any sense or warning a trio of girls fell from the sky in front of the five knights.

“Since it was taking too long for the actual heroes to get their act together, they encountered three mysterious girls, also aiming to save the princess,” Hao’s voice said, bringing the males on set to attention. “Since their leader permitted far less nonsense than my little brother—ah, I mean Yoh does, they were actually able to make some progress towards the castle doors.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” the brown-haired girl, Ivy said, sitting up and dusting herself off. She wasn’t even dressed in anything _remotely_ close to the pseudo-time period/setting they were going for in this thing. “We can’t all be here. Are OCs even _allowed_ in Twelve Shots of Summer entries?”

Lyserg let out a contemplative hum. “Well, a couple of entries have used OCs as minor characters so far, including ones by this author with no trouble caused,” he said. “Besides, there isn’t anything in the rules that says they’re _not_ allowed, so long as the piece still counts as fanfiction.”

“This is nothing but a piece of trash,” Ren criticized. “All the author’s doing now is making shameless references to her other Shaman King fanfiction because she’s running out of ideas.”

“Who cares, I’ve seen that one before—” Horohoro pointed to Ivy “—but who the hell are these two?”

Standing behind Ivy were two other girls, a tall blonde with a grin on her face, and a short green-haired one who seemed to be totally expressionless. Upon being recognized, the blonde perked up, easily closing the distance between her and the blue-haired knight that had pointed her out.

“Hey there, cutie,” she chirped. “My name’s—”

“Don’t,” the green-haired one said, her voice almost a whisper. It still managed to bring the other girl to a halt. “We haven’t officially made our debuts yet. If we say who we are now, we’re going to spoil things.”

The blonde crossed her arms and nodding, trying to seem like she was important. “That’s true,” she allowed. “Guess people will just have to wait for part twelve to come out then!”

“But that could take _months_!” Joco interrupted, somehow having knowledge of the author’s plans for posting. It wasn’t like they were blatantly posted on her profile page or anything.

“What do you care?” Ren asked, having shed his knight costume. This mess wasn’t going to get anywhere, so there was no longer any point in wearing the thing. He would team up with Bason to destroy it later. “You haven’t even showed up at all. In fact, I think she plans on ignoring you outright.” At least _he_ had been given a role. He didn’t exactly appreciate his treatment, but it was better than nothing.

Though the part about ignoring Joco wasn’t entirely true. He just didn’t have his moment yet.

Horohoro snickered. “Looks like you’re out of luck,” he taunted.

“I wouldn’t consider a brief mention by name anything to brag about,” Yoh mused. Of course, he had received the same sort of treatment, but it wasn’t so bad. It had been exhausting enough being the main character in his own series once. Only getting a tiny bit of screen time was good enough for him.

Joco, on the other hand, seemed quite disappointed. “Come to think of it, why isn’t she planning to give me a bigger role?” he complained. “After all, I’d say I’m the _write_ person for the job!”

And cue the banter and ridicule for lame puns once again. It’s not like they make the author laugh too much anyway.

* * *

Deciding it would be better to get away from all the chaos, Ivy had slipped off of the main set. There was a refreshment table being manned by Ryu, and she poured a glass of water. At the table of guardian spirits, only Amidamaru seemed to still be entranced by his master’s actions, the rest of the ghosts playing poker, led by Ponchi and Konchi.

Really, why did the author have to make things so complicated? Was she really that desperate for ideas that she had to do things like this? Didn’t she get enough of writing ridiculous things in that one story of hers for a completely different series? Why did she have to bring this sort of chaos down on _them_? Ivy would take her emotional issues in the main story over this any day!

Still dressed in his princess garb, Hao smiled. Ivy blushed but didn’t say anything. “Why don’t you just enjoy this?” he proposed. “After all, ours tends to be a more serious story, Aviantei. There’s nothing wrong with lightening up every once in a while.”

“I guess,” Ivy mumbled. Looking around, it appeared that the set didn’t have any sort of exit or off button. She got that she and the two other girls had arrived via a _deus ex machina_ kind of move, but how had everybody else gotten in? “Though you probably shouldn’t call me that here, otherwise people who don’t know the main story are going to get really confused why the author and I share a name.”

“That’s it!” the blonde haired girl exclaimed, causing Ivy to wince and spill some of her water on the floor. “I finally got what’s bugging me.” The blonde raced towards the refreshment table. “This is all wrong. She can’t be the hero ‘cause she’s supposed to be the _principessa_!” It didn’t take a genius to release who she was referring to, seeing as she was running towards Ivy at breakneck speed. “Hey, we gotta—!”

And, due to the comically placed water, Isse—the blonde proceeded to slip past her pray and crash into the refreshments table.

Ivy stared at her friend(?) for some time. Then, she stopped caring about the blonde’s well-being. The brown-haired girl squinted for a few seconds, then seemed to stare into the very core of the camera/fourth wall.

“Okay, we’re done here,” she said, reaching out. With a smile, Ivy’s hands covered up the screen until there was nothing but darkness. “The end.”

Being a merciful narrator and writer, Hao and the author proceeded to let the almost contrived ending slide.

* * *

“Hello everyone,” Hao said, beaming. He was sitting in Manta’s armchair, the usual cloak around his shoulders, though the pink of his floor-length skirt was visible. “Since Manta is still occupied, I’ll be providing the author’s note on behalf of the writer!”

Since the fourth wall of the main story had been shut down, everyone else seemed to have retreated back to the halfway-standing refreshment table, and thus ignored him.

“This…” Hao pouted a bit at the wording the author had chosen, but decided to go along with it. “…_thing_ was written for the Twelve Shots of Summer challenge, which is in its final month. The prompt was ‘Fairy Tale with a Twist.’ While the author had originally planned to take the route that old fairy tales were generally dark so the twist would be that the story had a happy ending, she realized she had already written for _Ao no Exorcist_, so had to save her planning for a later date. Since that path of thought led to writer’s block, she was hit with this instead.”

The blonde returned on screen, a cone of gelato in hand, then sat on the seat of the chair. “I like it better this way,” she said. “More smiles!”

Hao smiled as if to prove the point, then folded his hands in his lap. “This was undeniably inspired by Amulet Misty’s _Anything That’s Ordinary_, which is claimed to be far funnier than this. The author would like to apologize to Dina for having to read this pale imitation, and requests that anyone who has familiarity with _The World Ends with You_ go read that instead.”

The blonde consumed the rest of her cone in one bite, then swallowed without trouble. “Me and the other OC girls are shameless cameos to the author’s multi-chapter _Shaman King_ fanfic, _Aviantei_, which hasn’t been updated in years! Wow, that’s some laziness going on there!”

“Ah,” Hao said, still smiling, “it sounds like the author wants you to know that you’re lucky you belong to her friend, otherwise your life would be a whole lot worse for that comment.”

The blonde shrugged it off. “Still, if you have unanswered questions, going and reading that would be a good start. The author has been working hard on rebooting the story, so there should be an update to it sometime…though specifics are on her profile.”

“The author would like to express her joy at finishing her Camp NaNoWriMo challenge.” Hao started to twirl part of his hair around his finger. “Beyond that, she recommends that you read the other entries in the T-Sauce community, and consider joining yourself if you have the time or want a challenge. The next prompt shall be ‘GIANT SWORDS’ (all caps courtesy of Chronic Guardian), so that should be interesting to see what happens…”

The blonde grinned. “Really, if you made it to the end of this thing, you’ve sure got guts!” Realizing the end of the author’s note was near, she made a peace sign at the screen. “_Grazie_ for reading!”

* * *

Finally somewhat recovered, Manta sat up. Since the one shot was over, he picked up his Mantanian _Dictionary_ and took the crude piece of paper off the cover. On the back was a short message that finally made sense since the story was _actually_ posted and not just a completed Word document on the author’s computer:

[POST] 080514


	2. II

**All Things Fanciful and Free**

By: Aviantei

A _Shaman King_ One Shot Collection

2

* * *

Once again the camera had settled on the shot of a large armchair in a den, which people had probably forgotten about since it had been so long since this damn one shot had been published. Almost years at this point. Even so, it was free of any dust, and the fire was still crackling, maintained for who knows what reason.

Off screen, there was the sound of the door opening, as well as a heavy sigh. Within seconds, Oyamada Manta (very much against his will) entered into view, carrying his Mantanian Dictionary underarm. This time it was missing the crappy _Fairy Tale Compendium_ cover, but there was still a piece of notebook paper sticking out. After Manta scrambled to make it back onto his chair again, he finally chose to look at the camera.

“Not that anyone asked for this, but welcome to the second chapter of _All Things Fanciful and Free_!” he announced, with a very forced cheer in his voice. “The fact of the matter is that everyone would probably be happier without this mess, but the author is too stubborn to actually care about what other people, particularly the characters she writes about, want, so here we are.”

There was no denial or retribution from the authorly heavens. Manta wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or if he would feel better being put out of his fourth wall breaking misery.

Testing his luck, Manta continued: “Since the author is awful at coming up with titles, you’ll have to settle for the vague numerical ‘2’ and just keep reading with no clue as to what’s going on.” _Very much like the author herself,_ Manta thought. “In any event, it’s time for this day’s story, which begins much like the last one.

A heavy sigh. Still, nothing? Not even a hint that this could be over with. Not having much choice, Manta opened his book to the out of piece notebook paper, covered in blue pen scribbles.

“Not that I have much choice in the matter, but…”

* * *

_“Once upon a time there was an arrogant wizard.”_

With next to no shame on the author’s part, Ren was put into the spotlight. He was stuck wearing purple and gold robes, that were somehow meant to signify him as a wizard. A similar shaded hat was on the floor, refusing to be worn. No matter; his tongari pretty much gave off the same impression anyways.

“Back to this rubbish again?” he growled, arms crossed and not very pleased. Then again, when was he? “I thought maybe we had moved past this and into more serious work.”

“Oh just get on with it!” Horohoro called from the sidelines. He wasn’t in costume, mainly because there wasn’t any reason to shove him onto center stage. There was, however, a need to watch his teammate star in a ridiculous fairy tale of his own. “The less complaining you do, the faster it’ll get over with.”

Despite those encouraging(?) words, the aftermath was filled with snickers. Ren growled, his patience already grinding low. There was the sound of someone’s throat clearing, and Manta reluctantly continued to read out from his prompt. _“The wizard had to find a magic mirror and a magic ring.”_

“And where do you expect me to look for _that_?” Ren demanded, gesturing to the set around him. It was really just a single backdrop of a castle setting. The decorations were still up from the previous escapade, making the wizard’s room look more like a princess set up (all courtesy of Hao). Leaving the set up would easily put Ren off camera, which was seriously tempting at this point.

Through the filter of his narration, Manta’s groan could be heard. Why did Ren have to make everything so _complicated_? Similarly, Horohoro shrugged.

“I dunno, man,” he said, being incredibly helpful, “Use your imagination.”

_“Wrong!”_

* * *

Despite coming from the narrator’s position, the voice was not Manta’s a short look over to the study set revealed Manta pressed against the armrest using his Mantanian Dictionary as a shield, while the blonde girl that had made a shoddy cameo in the last segment squeezed into the other half. “You guys aren’t getting into this right at all!” she accused. “Fairy tales are supposed to be full of magic in whimsy. The atmosphere is key!”

“Like anyone even cares!” Ren protested from his tower room set. He looked ready to storm off at any moment, but that was the norm. The camera panned ridiculously far back, showing that the two sets were actually in close proximity to each other. “This isn’t even a proper fairy tale—it’s just a prompt the author is using from a generator because she lacks any proper ideas. The plotline hardly even makes sense.”

“Speaking of the author,” the blonde continued, not paying Ren any attention, “I’ve been given permission to properly introduce myself since my existence is no longer a spoiler. I’m Issebella Vargas, part of the author’s more serious _Shaman King_ fanfic, _Aviantei_! It’s nice to meet you all!”

“Enough of the self-promotion,” Ren growled. Also in the sidelines of the shot, Horohoro snapped his fingers.

“What are you so grumpy for Ren? You even got a story all to yourself!” the Ainu added, almost wishing he could get a story to himself. Then again, given the author’s tendencies, maybe this was just fine. Tossing a thumbs up at the camera, Horohoro grinned. “Check out _Xiān Kè Lái_, the project from last year’s [Shibuya Operation Story St—gah!”

“Enough of this nonsense!” Ren finally gave up on standing still, pulling his kwan dao from what could have only been Hammer Space and charging Horohoro. The other boy yelped and dived aside, leaving Ren to knock over what was a perfectly peaceful refreshment table that had done nothing wrong. “If this isn’t able to end any time soon, then I’ll at least excuse myself.”

“No can do!” While she did not come brandishing weapons, Issebella dived aiming a kick at Ren’s side. “I know being grumpy and sullen is your thing, but you’re worse than I thought!” she declared, even as Ren glared daggers in her direction. “You’re here, and the author says you’re going to see this through to the end.”

Ren scoffed, though upon looking around, he had to admit there didn’t appear to be any exits to this room, just like last time. He was pretty sure he had exited somehow, but he couldn’t quite remember. “I’ve had enough time in the spotlight. Why don’t you drag that team leader of yours into this mess?”

Issebella huffed crossing her arms. “Because if the _Principessa_ were the hero of this story, that’d ruin the plot twist!” Not that she actually had any knowledge of said plot twist in canon. Everyone else present either didn’t care, or was left utterly confused. “Now, Manta, carry on with the story!”

* * *

A high pitched yelp was heard through the narration filters, as Manta had been trying to sneak off in the confusion. Left with no other choice, he continued, _“After many trials, the arrogant wizard was able to find the magic mirror and ring, and had come close to solving their mystery…”_

Sure enough, Ren was now holding onto a mirror and ring, though they were both cheap and made of plastic. But hey, whoever said that magic was exclusively for ancient artifacts? Not in this mess of a fanfiction attempt they weren’t.

The scenery had once again changed, though this backdrop was new. There was a door made of dark wood surrounded by blue stone. Ren was standing in front of it, presumably because it was related to the mystery that hadn’t even been bothered to elaborate on.

_“This was it, the chance for the wizard to escape his tormentor. All he had to do was cast the spell of the mirror and ring, and he would be able to flee his prison.”_

Everyone waited with bated breath, hoping for the chance to put this miserable side shoot fic to an end. They were close as well! If Ren would just go along with the script, they could be done and move on with their lives.

* * *

“Hey,” Horohoro said, almost to himself. “Is it just me, or does this piece of paper say nothing about a spell?” The scribbled out notes to the one shot were lying on the floor, mostly crumpled. They were vague, and definitely weren’t accurate as to what was actually going on. No spell was mentioned at all, either.

“Sorry, I panicked!” Manta stage whispered. It had just seemed like the right thing to do—rush to the end and make it up as he went along. No sense in making any more cameos or dumb jokes. “I think if Ren just says whatever, though we might have a chance…”

“Even if there was a spell, you wouldn’t catch me reciting something so ridiculous.” Ren’s refusal to cooperate was so absolute that Manta and Horohoro both fell to the floor as a result.

The sound of their impact was joined by Issebella’s foot stomping against the floor. “You guys are just no fun!” she protested. “What’s wrong with a little bit of silliness every now and then?”

“So much,” Ren deadpanned, and Manta and Horohoro nodded in agreement.

“Aw, you guys, too?” Issebella sighed. “I guess this is what I get for bringing in the wrong people. Next time, we should have a proper party, okay?” None of the parties involved were pleased by that idea, especially not Manta. He always seemed to end up being the one narrating these things. “Oh, though you actually do know the words to finish this, Mr. Spikey Grump Head.”

There was a stunned silence. Half because Ren had known and the other because he hadn’t retaliated to the nickname. Manta and Horohoro’s jaws dropped.

“Seriously?!”

“Come on dude, what the hell?”

“Of course I do,” Ren said, paying the others no mind. Instead he looked straight into the camera, acknowledging its presence for the first time. “The End.”

* * *

Issebella took her seat in Manta’s armchair, a banner behind her blazoned with the word _[NOTES]_. No one was there to accompany her, as they had all bailed once the one shot ended, but that was fair enough, really. She smiled at the audience, beaming with delight.

“The author would like to thank everyone for reading this one shot,” she said, then cleared her throat. “That is, assuming that anyone would actually sit down and read another episode of, as she puts it, ‘garbage.’ I think it’s delightful, though. Seriously, is everyone a killjoy around here?

“Thanks are also extended to Chronic Guardian, Hyoxjnn, and ElementLegend for favoriting the first part and leaving reviews like the awesome Sauce Buddies they are.”

Issebella waited for someone else to chime in, but it really seemed like it was just her here. What a bummer.

“This was written for the author’s personal challenge at [Equinoctial (that’s hard to pronounce) Stars over Seasons], the mid-season Sauce Project (whatever that means). Check out the forum, blah, blah…”

Tossing her notecards aside, Issebella proceeded to adlib the rest, because fuck it. “Anyway, there’s going to be more where this came from, though nobody probably wants anything to do with it! It’ll happen eventually, so keep your eyes peeled. I’m gonna bring the fun, so expect Joco and Lyserg (maybe), and maybe even Kaede, too! And once again, keep your eyes peeled for some more of the main series story, _Aviantei_!”

Issebella grinned and stood from her seat to deliver a bow, sending her hair everywhere. “See ya, next time!”

On the ground, on the back of the abandoned notecard, there was the note: “[POST] 040216.”


	3. III

**All Things Fanciful and Free**

By: Aviantei

A _Shaman King_ One Shot Collection

3

* * *

The all-too familiar setting of Manta’s fireside armchair came into focus. The owner of said armchair was clutching his Dictionary-slash-Fairy-Tale-Compendium-slash-possible-blunt-weapon in his lap, wearing a strained smile. Even so, Manta was a good sport and he faced the camera anyways, preparing himself for the worst.

“Okay, everyone,” he said through gritted teeth and bundles of forced enthusiasm, “welcome back to _All Things Fanciful and Free_, part three. Though I’m sure that most of you are like us in wishing that this monstrosity would just come to an end and stop taking away valuable updating slots from stories you actually enjoy, like _Catharsis_ or _Aviantei_, the author has been stubborn and saying this was promised another entry, so we must go through with it.” Unlike what would be expected, there was no sudden retribution for the shot. Manta nodded. For once, he and the author were in agreement. “However, I’ve been promised that this will be the last segment, so we’ll cling to that hope for now.”

There wasn’t even an objection from any of the other assembled cast for the evening. Everyone was just as ready for this to be over as they were when the first one shot arrived, and now they had their shot.

Seeing the general consensus for once, Manta’s smile became somewhat more natural, though he still seemed very much like he was trying to pretend he hadn’t just swallowed a bug. “Alright, everyone in their places? Once again, we start with once upon a time…”

* * *

_“Once upon a time there was a shy woman who had to reclaim her throne.”_

Despite the unnecessary level of OC cameos this fic seemed to have in it already, an unfamiliar woman stood in the center of the seemingly random forest setting. With her green hair clipped up in several directions and floral pattern clothes, she almost blended in with the background. Grinning, she waved at the camera.

Somewhere in the distance there was a snort at the _shy_ descriptor, though no one could be certain where it came from since Ren had protested even appearing in this nonsense for the third time.

“Howdy!” the woman chirped, her movements distinguishing her from the rest of the surrounding forestry. She seemed more of a forest nymph than any sort of royalty needing a throne to reclaim. “I’m Bai Cuì Jú, the female lead from _Xiān Kè Lái_ and _Yěhuā_! This is being written at the same time _Yěhuā_ is being published online, so please ignore any timeline inconsistencies that may come from that, kay?”

Manta’s Narrative Cough of Discouragement resounded through the heavens like thunder. Bai tucked her hands behind her back and hummed, waiting for her next instructions. Whimsical or no, she wasn’t ready to waste her spot in an extra, especially as one as fun as this.

_“Bai had been kidnapped from her kingdom and dropped in the forest. Her enemies had been hoping she would perish, and the kingdom thought she was dead. However, they had not accounted for the help of Bai’s companion, a magic horse.”_

With an all too convincing whinny, a new figure ambled onto the stage: Joco stuffed in a horse costume. It was hard to tell that because he had one of those ridiculous rubber horse masks on, but we promise it was Joco. Since he’d been promised an upcoming role and this was the last one shot, he was willing to take what he could get. Whoever was in the back end of the horse costume didn’t matter because they were ultimately inconsequential to the loose construction of a plot for this one shot.

“Your noble steed has arrived. And will no longer be tossed to the side.” Somehow, Joco managed a dramatic pose with one of the horse legs under his control. “That’s right, I may have only gotten a one off joke in _Yěhuā, _but I refuse to be thrown under _hoof_! Joco McDonnel is here to _pony up_!”

It was true. The author had even looked up horse puns just for this very moment.

Bai giggled in earnest. It can only be assumed that Ren was somewhere, regretting that he had ever let these two meet unsupervised.

“But enough _stalling_,” Joco said, not even waiting for Manta’s interruption. That was just fine by the unwilling narrator. “Princess, we must act in the _spur_ of the moment!”

“You got it,” Bai chirped, patting her noble(?) steed’s back. She spared him the struggle of actually trying to ride on him. “Onward we go!”

Pointing the way forward, Bai and Joco-Horse skipped along the path.

* * *

_“Safe in the company of her companion, Princess Bai and Joco made their way back home. But the woods were magical, and many strange creatures lived within, hindering their journey.”_

The next chunk of the forest looked very much identical to the one they had just come from, save for the fact that Bai and Joco entered from the opposite end. Given the lack of preparation for the one shot, which seemed to translate into budget cuts, the set was the same as the one they had just been standing on, just with the magic of resetting the shot to pretend that some semblance of progress was being made.

Just as they were about to cross the threshold onto the next (read: same) chunk of forest, a fairy zipped into their path! Bai and Joco both put on their best exaggerated faces, even though the fairy in question was hardly the size of one of their hands. It was Morphea, the only spirit ally who could fill the role in their current position. The rest were too occupied with the buffet table from the first episode, just glad that they hadn’t been cast in this mess.

“A fairy!” Joco said, as if he had never seen Morphea before. Bai, being from an AU without any actual shamanism and also not having met Lyserg, was much more convincing. “Be careful, Princess. I’ve _herd_ that fairies exceed at _foal_ play.”

Bai knew this was the part where she was supposed to outwit the fairy, according to the script she’d been given. She still dropped a fair share of laughter on the newest puns, though. Joco was glad to know his puns were appreciated by someone, a smile stretching out unseen beneath his mask. Manta was considering crying, but he held it in. He was trying to hold out for tears of relief once things were over.

Morphea flitted back and forth in the air. If she was saying something, no one could tell what is was supposed to be. Bai and Joco watched expectantly, but nothing was forthcoming. Girl and horse mask exchanged glances.

“Um,” Bai said, tapping a finger to her chin, “does it count as outwitting the fairy if we don’t say anything and just move on?”

“What the _hay,_” Joco said. “Maybe she’s just not talking because she’s feeling a little _horse?_”

_“Good enough for me, move on,”_ Manta declared from on high, the sound of grinding teeth somehow accentuating every syllable. It was quite impressive.

Morphea shrugged and zipped away with a trail of fairy dust. Bai kneeled down and scraped her finger through the residue, coming up with cheap glitter. “How about that,” she said, standing up and dusting her hand off on her capris. “Oh, well, you heard the narrator, Joco. Let’s keep moving.”

“You’re right, enough of this _horseplay_.”

If only it could be that easy.

* * *

Watching from his narrator position, Manta was pleased with how things were going. The unlikely duo was making progress, and they’d managed so far with minimal scene changing segues. Sure, it was a different style than the other pieces in the collection, but the intent was the same enough that it should serve as a finale. Even flipping through the rest of the tale in the Mantanian Book of Whatever’s Convenient, it seemed simple enough that it wouldn’t take long to get through.

Then a spare piece of paper fluttered out, containing the author’s real intentions for the simple tale, and Manta could already feel his veins threatening to burst from increased blood pressure.

“Why did I ever think this would be easy?” he said to himself. And then, very much against his will and forced by an author who was just trying to reach her word count goal for the day and needed this story to get a move on, Manta narrated, _“Having outwitted the fairy, the woman and her horse were free to move on with their journey home. On the forest path, they soon came across another traveler…”_

* * *

“Lyserg Diethel,” the boy in question introduced himself with a bow. Much like Joco, who had been promised a role in the fic and needed to fill the slot given that this was the last installment. He was doing a pretty decent job of acting and not staring outright at the camera. Bai tugged at a lock of her hair, surprised by the similarity in color. It goes to mention that Bai had also retained her dyed hair color in this one shot for the sake of recognition, despite letting it grow back to its natural color at the end of her character arc. Ignoring the narrative ramblings, Lyserg kept up his part quite well. “I’m surprised to find other travelers here. It’s not often people come to these woods. Then again, you don’t look like travelers…”

To be fair, none of the assembled group looked the least bit like travelers, let alone fitting to the fairy tale setting. Bai was perfectly capable of assembling a wardrobe in the fashion of a greenhouse with modern clothes, Joco’s horse mask had that unchanging and suspicious look to it (as horse masks do), and Lyserg had taken on his X-Laws regalia. I’m telling you, those budget cuts are brutal stuff.

“That’s because we were abandoned here, left out in the _colt_,” Joco said. Using _colt_ as a pun for _cold_ was a bit of a stretch, but if the Internet says it works, then he’d take it. This here is Princess Bai, and we need to get back to the castle. We don’t have time to be _horsing around_.” Though one could argue that horsing around was all this fairy tale was good for.

Lyserg took a moment to adjust, considering Bai’s role as a Princess wasn’t something that had been in the original script. Manta was just hoping the aspiring detective would have enough common sense to keep things on track. Bai herself was bouncing on the balls of her feet, trying to figure out just how the next scripted requirement of “solve a mystery” was going to play into the current situation.

“Hm,” she mumbled, not noticing any props in the recycled forest background that could be used for a mystery segment. “Could it be the mystery we gotta solve is that you—” she directed her point at Lyserg “—were the true enemy all along?”

There was silence in the forest. Not even one of those echoing sound effects could be found. Not sure of what to do next, the assembled players waited for their erstwhile narrator to see if he had any input. Manta was resigned, staring at the author’s true script in his hands.

_“I hate my life,”_ he narrated.

* * *

Lyserg checked his metal script once. Then twice. Joco was trying to figure out an appropriate pun to make in the situation, but he was still stuck trying to find the right context for the _heard-of-her/herbivore_ joke he’d been waiting to use. Bai stared, unblinking, her finger still pointed at Lyserg.

The last task on the outline was for Bai to defeat a giant. He could work with that.

“You were clever to figure that out,” Lyserg said, taking on an exaggerated villain’s smirk.

_“That was fast!_” Manta shouted from the armchair set.

Lyserg plowed forward. “I didn’t expect you to make it past my fairy, let alone realize my true identity.” Bai bounced in excitement. There weren’t many opportunities for action hero in a real world AU, and this was her shot. Lyserg threw out an arm, and Morphea perched on his hand. Considering Lyserg spent the main series playing the tragic revenge story role, maybe he just needed to blow off some steam. “However, I won’t allow you to make it past me. You’ll never reclaim your throne. I’ll stop you right here, Princess Bai. Zeruel!”

Without any warming, the massive shape of Lyserg’s second Over Soul crashed into the measly set. All that could be seen on screen was the shape of its massive white leg. It wouldn’t have been incorrect to assume that the archangel had busted the ceiling in its arrival.

_“Come on, are we really doing this? Lyserg, I trusted you!”_

“Trust no one in a crack fic!” Bai declared. From out of nowhere, she pulled a strange, clunky wrist-watch looking device and slapped it on her wrist. “This isn’t quite how _Twelve Zero Zero_ works, but it’s close enough to _Shaman King_ mechanics I can get away with it! Hiraku, let’s do this!”

“Right!” a voice echoed from the watch. The references to Chronic Guardian’s “03-Average Problems” and the author’s own _I Go Around_ were tossed into the wind, where nobody recognized them. The same could be said for Manta’s mental breakdown.

_“Guys, reign it in!”_

“_Reign_ it in, you say?” Joco asked, brought back to awareness by one of the other puns he’d been hoping to use. Before him, Bai and Lyserg faced off in what looked to be an epic standoff. As all dramatic face-offs were destined to go through, their images froze in the typical end-of-an-episode cliffhanger image. Joco recognized the setup and took the opportunity. “It looks like Princess Bai is almost back to the castle, but the true enemy Lyserg stands in the way. Will she be able to overcome him and reclaim her throne? Will we get any budget improvements? Who the heck even is this Hiraku OC that isn’t even _from_ a _Shaman King_ story? Will I get the chance to use the obvious _mane_ pun? Find out next time, on _All Things Fanciful and Free_!”

By this point, Manta’s crying could be heard through the narration. _“Never again,”_ he said. _“She promised, never again…”_

To not be continued, the author mercifully allowed.

* * *

Manta had all but bolted the moment he had been given the signal, leaving his armchair unattended. He would never return to the scene ever again. That left an empty armchair, and Bai was never one to pass up a comfortable chair. At least, that was the appropriate character trait that had just been decided. Bai smiled and waved at the camera.

“Hello, and welcome to the **[Author’s Notes]** for this final installment of _All Things Fanciful and Free_,” she said. “Not to drag this out too long, but the author does have a daily word count par to fill, so you’ll have my company for just a bit longer so she doesn’t have to start writing something else for the day. Aight?”

“Hey, Bai,” Joco called from off screen, “there’s not a lot of refreshments left. You want something before it’s all gone?”

“Tea and cake, please and thanks,” Bai called back. She’d never met any of the canon characters besides the Tao family, so it was nice to have new friends. Getting comfortable, Bai tucked her legs up underneath her and sank farther into the armchair, directing her gaze back to the camera. “In any event, thanks are in order for those that have read this collection beforehand. The author doesn’t seem to think it’s worth much, but I had a delightful time.”

Joco wandered into view, bringing Bai’s requested food with him. Mic, who would have been fun to include in this one shot but couldn’t be given a suitable role, floated alongside in Spirit Ball mode. Bai scratched the ghost jaguar between the ears before the pair left.

“This just so happens to be the author’s first completed fanfic of 2018, which is cause for celebration. Oh, that’s hot.” Bai blew steam away from her tea cup, but didn’t wait to take another drink. “Ah, delicious. With _All Things Fanciful and Free_ completed, that means there are only(?) eighteen more fics to go before she’s finished every story she’s started. One of her New Year Goals is to finish three total this year, so that just means two more to go. Keep it up, Miss Author!

“Bonus thanks go out to the fairy tale generator that spawned the requirements in this quest (that we sort of sidestepped and ignored). Considering the author knew she wanted to include Joco, Lyserg, and yours truly in the piece, it was nice to have some outlining ideas to work with. The internet sure is awesome, huh?”

Bai downed the rest of her tea cup, then started on the cake. It wasn’t one of her usual floral decorated ones, but it would curb the sweet tooth well enough. “Most of the credits for other stories are given in the narration, but the author can’t recommend that you check out **[Shibuya Operation – Story Storm]** enough. It’s thanks to that challenge that I even exist in the first place, so I recommend it, too!” The cake was devoured in an instant, and both used dishes were set to the side of the armchair. “**[SOSS]** has just finished up its fourth season, and while this author’s note is being written before it’s over so the author can’t make any specific recommendations, there’s a heck of a lot of talented authors and their works included, so whatever was made this year is bound to be good. Swing on by the forum or C2 and check it out!”

Bai checked the word count on the document, then stood up nodding. That would be more than enough to cover par for the day. She scooped up her dishes and skipped off to the side of the room. “Well, that’s all from me, you guys. Thanks for stopping by, and thanks for reading!”

And at long last, the curtains closed on the set, bringing an end to the four-year running crack fic. Across their surface was a simple message:

[COMPLETE] 03.10.2018


End file.
